Hi Kat.
I always had some personalities that had co-consciousness of most of the others. There were some that didn't have that, but mostly, it was always there for me. In therapy sessions, my therapist would catch a personality "peeking out" for a very brief period of time. There were times I didn't know who those personalities were. Most of the time, I knew who was out, but those times where I didn't know who it was, really troubled me. The regular co- consciousness lasted for longer periods of time than just the peeking out.
As my healing progressed, and integrations began, more memories of abuse were coming back to me. It seemed like whoever held the memories were giving them to me. They also gave me their information and things they'd learned to do. I admit there were times where child personalities were out who didn't know simple things- like how to turn a faucet on, how to answer the phone, and how to do laundry. But the ones who knew how to do woodworking, passed that on. One personality loved to read, but for some reason- I don't have that.
Basically, at age three, when my first personalities were created, "I" went into hiding, and the personalities lived life for me, learning how to do everything, while I learned none of it. So, as I went through the final integrations, just about everything was being passed on to me through memories of what the others had learned to do. Since the final integrations, I am still figuring these things out. Now, it just comes back in memories, too, of what the other personalities learned, what they experienced. I still have big chunks of memories that are missing. I am still having memories uncovered to me in flashbacks I've never seen before. Basically, though, I obtained all the info from the others by their memories coming to me, or them "telling" me along with it.
I had a Dr. try hypnosis on me before. But being in a small, sort of darkened room, with a man right next to me, wasn't comfortable, and I wasn't able to be hypnotized. Personally, I found the situation to be scary, and it triggered alot for me. But I imagine everyone is different. I considered EMDR, but my therapist always said the," If it ain't broken, don't fix
it." What I had going on in my internal system, was going at it's own pace. And I learned it was best for me not to push progress more than I could handle. Things always balanced out for me.
Best wishes.
Debbie E.
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HELLO KAT,
I have done the EMDR with my therapist and we did it on a specific subject and it worked well for me, but to look back and find the things I don't remember I had to do a lot of journaling and my therapist helped me along the way. It was hard to look at but if you take your time and not rush into it, things don't seem so bad.
Good luck and remember you are a survivor.
Danielle
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For Kat
Being aware of others and what they say and do is a big part of co-conciousness -- there may also be a few others waiting to
see how the little girls are accepted . I also have limited memories for huge chunks of my life, and have found this at times
very helpful while other times very frustrating .
I learned to not push too hard to remember, or push my others into trying to remember - I found over the years that when the
time is right and i have developed the skills needed these issues tend to sneak out and i have a good treatment team in place to
help me .
When i was first diagnosed i bought tons of notebooks pens pencils crayons markers, and wrote notes that any one was
welcome to use them and no one would hurt them. It was a safe place to do whatever they wanted to do .
I hope you find good people for your treatment team - The biggest lesson i learned is what i think and feel about myselves is
far more important than what anyone else thinks - that if i set a good example of accepting the others inside they
(( The others inside )) will learn to also accept others too .
As for Many Voices, it was that place where i / we knew that people not only understood the problems people like us
face on a daily basis, there were answers to questions i never even knew i had . Many Voices is the safe place for people
society does not want to accept. MY therapist taught us if we accept ourselves and understand we did nothing to cause
the abuse and we became many to survive, we really need to see not only are we good but we have earned to right
for self respect.
By Meg
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For KAT
My therapist speaks about co consciousness and I am
also confused what it is and how to achieve it. Let me
tell you that this should not be your focus.
Journaling was also helpful for me but I was not
consistent. If you are always hearing them talk
inside, try talking out loud.
Sometimes hearing what
they have to say helps you hold onto it. I have also
learned that I can call on who I need in a specific
situation. Of course you cannot underestimate the
power of a supportive therapist.
Beth
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Hi Kat!
There are ways besides hypnosis and EMDR to become aware of your life history. I used journaling a lot. If you let yourself sort of 'space out' while you journal, you may find internal parts writing down information that you can read later, over and over, until you recognize it as part of your own memory.
Sometimes the information shared is pretty scary stuff. You may want to talk to your therapist about how to do this work safely, if you journal at home by yourself. You might also want to bring your writing in to the therapist's office so she/he can see what was written.
I hope this helps you. It helped me!
Susie