*******************************************************************
Hi, Nancy,
For years I questioned and doubted the diagnosis "Dissociative Identity Disorder." The funny thing is, I suspected it pertained to me long before a psychiatrist broached the subject. It was my secret "fear." The moment I started reading up on DID, I saw my experiences splattered before me on almost every page I read. The shoe fit from the start. I felt both relief and horror. Still I danced around it, sensing the familiarity, yet claiming and denying ownership with the changing of the wind. Over the years I came to realize that my denial came from all the false messages we grew up with. DID is a beautiful gift - not a mental aberation. Instead of the abuse destroying the best parts of me, I found a creative way to preserve them. By exploring and understanding those memories of abuse and those who abused us, we are literally reining ourselves back in. How simple and logical it now seems. People tend to fear and deny what they don't themselves experience. By understanding we give up the "fight" and open ourselves to healing. That path is by no means easy, but at least we don't have to waste precious recovery time paying homage to others who simply "don't know." Take heart and hold your head high. You found a way to beat those bastards.
Diane
*******************************************************************
Hi Nancy,
Well welcome to the world of "normalcy".....If you accepted this MPD stuff you wouldn'/t be MPD....That I believe. How could we explain memories we can't remember being real>>>>>How can we honestly say wow, this really happened to me? And believe it>>>>>>>>>>Give me a break........For many years my wonderful therapist jokingly, but seriously, would hear me.............Okay therapist, I need to deny this stuff is real....She then would look at her watch and say with a smile, Okay, you have five minutes today to deny as we have a lot to cover............So, yes, dear nancy..........honor all those wonderul parts who have saved you and your mind by running like he-- (hell but want to keep this clean for the kids)...They will respect you, if you respect them, to get help in therapy..........That DOESN"T mean they have to go too....If and when they are willing to go for help, that is something else.......You can ask, but set boundaries......"I have the right to take care of me" and "you , don't have to go, don't have to listen, but please either stay at home or wherever, and allow me my right to come to get help for me"..................respect yourself and they will respect too.................I guess to visualize a beautiful tree.....sturdy, lots of branches extending out.............Each branch another aspect, another part, another personality, and no reason to disrespect any branch, ever............the branches all reach out as part of one............love from the center, the core. The core has the ability and the strength to get help .. it will help the others if they want it, if not it is okay.....Love yourself, Nancy, love each part of you, they have all been there for you whether you believe it or not..........And above all, respect and patience, acceptance and trust in yourselves........................It is a process, and a slow one..........
md
****************************************************************************************************
Hi there, thanks for sharing...........right, that is just how I feel, felt - but still I go on and keep going on. So, the parts of me in denial are not being ignored, just politically acknowledged.............For years, my first therapist would allow me to have my five or ten minuts of denial at the beginning of the sessions...........I remember reading a sentence, describing how I felt in a book written by can't remember, the title can't remember, but the words........."mpd/did is trying to remember the memories you never remembered you had".............YES, I thought, that is ME ME ME ME and so part of my recovery is to allow those parts up......although I think they are really not the ones in denial, I think I am the culprit.....I have no memory other than what I have had in my massages, my therapists, my dreams...........my triggers..........and after awhile, these are a part of my mind yet they never seem real. I have to believe they are real, even though G-d only knows, I don't want them to be. It is difficult to believe this entire scene but one piece of advice that I need for me, is the less I deny, the faster my recovery............I have been in therapy since 1993, taking baby steps, believing that I must have split because of an open diaper pin sticking in me....I have come a long way and still working on it..............Have patience with yourselves, love yourselves, understand why you wouldn't want to remember and honor those. If need be, look at the war now. When it is over, a soldier comes back and do you think he wants to remember what happened? what he saw???????? Of course not..........The best of luck to you,
md(2)