Hi Lys,
What a caring person you are. I, too, was a victim of abuse and had MPD. I know sometimes just my being in such a highly emotional state at times, was alot for my friends. You care about your friend enough to write, so that is incredible. Just being that caring will help alot. Sometimes if I just knew somebody was there for me, it helped more than they could know. There were those friends I had, who dropped out of sight. I'd say, just let your friend know often, that you're there for them. If possible, just go somewhere with them. That helped me alot, to just even go for a ride. Have lunch together. All the little things will seem like enormous things. At least, that's how it worked for me. Just a quick call on the phone to let your friend know you're thinking of them. Do something fun with them. Go on an outing. Little things mean alot.
Debbie E.
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Dear Lys,
I'm a survivor, like your friend, and the most helpful thing for me when I first discovered my 'problem' was just being listened to...without too much skepticism, but also not too much excited reaction, either. I was pretty cautious about opening up, so I think it's a compliment in your friendship that your friend discussed her issues with you. Still, you need to be careful about yourself and your own emotional involvement in her problems. It's kind of tough, knowing how much to give. If she tells you things you really can't handle, you could suggest she be sure to say that to her therapist. (I didn't like it when my friends 'played therapist' with me.)
Maybe if you just try to keep in mind how you felt about your friend before she told you about the abuse...that will help you remember she has not always been upset. Listen. But maybe suggest fun things to do, too. Therapy is awfully hard work.
Best wishes,
Margie