Katie,  Hi! 

I'm an avid reader so will give you some resources here.  I have felt gone when my alters have been really scared or memory was approaching.  The feeling of being inhuman have only come from my perpetrators.  I have spend many years now trying to PRACTICE staying in the present moment and this has was the biggest help to me and the hardest practice I've ever done.  What i mean by practice is that I try to embrace what ever is in my present moment, be it fear, my feelings of inhumanness, joy, the spacy or gone feeling.  I use mindfulness meditation to assist in this matter.  I have found that when I embrace the most difficult feelings, then I seem to be cleared of them more quickly. For me it is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.  The next time that you are really exhaused, go lay down and go into your exhaustion and you may find that  it will bring out the other side of it.  It's hard to explain.   

I use to resist my inner selves (parts, alters) and this only created more chaos.  Some books that have been helpful are as follows:  A Path With Heart by Jack Kornfield;  "Everyday Zen" by Charolette Joko Beck  "When things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron,  "The Zen Path Through Depression" by Philip Martin. 

 

One of Jack Kornfield's quotes that helps me so often, that I have it on my wall is called, "To Stop the War"  ...

"To stop the war and come into the present is to discover the greatness of our own heart that can include the happiness of all beings as inseparable from our own.  When we let ourselves feel the fear, the discontent, the difficulties we have always avoided, our heart softens.  Just as it is a courageous act to face all the difficulties from which we have always run, it is also an act of compassion.  According to Buddhist scripture, compassion is the "quivering of the pure heart" when we have allowd ourselves to be touched by the pain of life.  The knowledge that we can do this and survive helps us to awaken the greatness of our heart.  With greatness of heart, we can sustain a presence in the midst of life's suffering, in the midst of life's fleeting impermanence.  We can open to the world its ten thousand joys and ten thousand sorrows."

I am not Buddhist but their concept of impermanence, embracing rather than resisting, has helped my healing process. 

Best to you. 
Hallie

For me, Katie,

the Real is moments at odd unexpected times. At least I am able to back away far enough to understand what is going on, at
least in my mind.

These are 'children' of all ages that have done without any real support, fought to survive, and to keep us alive, all without help from any one. All of a sudden they now have my attention, and it feels overwhelming at times, as they talk over each other, over me, demand 'their' time and 'my' attention. It's exhausting.   

But as I keep loving each one of them, making time as best I can for each to Do something Physical during a few days time, and time communicating with them each, things are calming down. They are beginning to trust that I really am here to stay, that I really am here to hug them, back them up, feel their feelings, understand where they are coming from; another words, to mother and love them as I never was.   

It gets better - and better - and better. It's just a crash course in communicating when every one is getting to know everyone else.    Hang in there!

Freda

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Dear Katie,

 

 

It gets better.

 

It took me some long years of therapy. I chose to integrate fully and I am SO much happier. I am ME. I am fully, wholly ME. And I'm Okay.I don't know if it would've taken me quite so long if I'd had better "real" support in my every day life. I think friends are very important. Social support is very important. There was a time when I couldn't be in a group or have friends--I had no one for a long time. Then I had one person only. But as you feel better, social support goes a long way. Also, be gentle with yourself. You are becoming more aware. It will get better.

 

Tips:

Treat yourself for every time you handle a tough time well--without spacing out! :)

Take yourself to a movie, curl up with a good book and a mug of tea, take a long walk, draw something for MV--whatever is a treat for You.

Treat yourself anyway when you  have a tough time--even when you DO space out--with Extra TLC.

Make a care box for yourself and put it in your bathroom cupboard. Use it when you don't feel good.

You can put a small stuffed animal, a thermometer, and other "care" items in it--including encouraging notes and the telephone number of a friend who cares.

Call Samaritans if you need someone to talk to and are very down.

 

I wish you all the best,