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Hi Ellen

I had more than one persecutory personality. It took time, but when I began to see that they had their own purpose, whatever it was, that helped. When my other personalities began accepting them, it became easier, too. And that caused the persecutory ones to ease back. Gradually, I began to see that they were, indeed, a part of me, and I accepted them. After that, they began to lessen in intensity. One of my persecutory personalities, was oddly identical like my mother to me: never happy with the others, always yelling at the others, calling them stupid..... But I realized one day, that that particular personality had a good point. They kept everyone in line. So, I started trying to find good points to them. And there weren't many. But the more I tried understanding and accepting them, the nicer they slowly became. They worked on their anger issues, started getting accepted more by the other personalities, and gradually close to the time they integrated, they were cooperative and nice. I hope this helps.
Take care.
Debbie E.

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Dear Ellen,

Regarding alters persecuting others.  I have an alter who has caused me
significant trouble in the past.  Since all alters have a purpose, and a
reason they act the way they do, I just had to figure out what was upsetting
her.  Once I had, it was simpler to arrange a deal in which she behaved more
appropriately.  She still acts up from time to time, but the hostility has
significantly decreased.


4ofHearts
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Dear Ellen F.

The simple fact that this has come out and you and your therapist know about it is a good thing!  Remember, most people who are seriously considering suicide don't go around announcing it.

I have journals of threats to the "system" for one reason or another from when I was in therapy.  It has been 12+ years since I have integrated.  Typically, when my system was dealing with or fixing to "reveal something", the threats would increase.  Activities such as self mutilation and dangerous behaviors would increase until the "issue" reached the surface. 

After it surfaced, the threats and behaviors would subside and the issue would be dealt with.  I also remember having two or three what I called "tattle tales" who would do various things when the system was in real danger.  Safe things like-- call the therapist, go to her office and sit in the lobby for no reason.  One time they even walked me to the emergency room as I was cutting myself.  They protected the "system" many times over.

The main concern needs to be avoiding an accident.  Most DIDs et al are protected by what I call "safety alters or fragments".   Be alert to dangerous behaviors and try to provide yourself a comfort area in your home.  Keep talking to your therapists and support system.  Even a midnight run to the emergency room to talk to someone helps alot.

Sonya Rogers

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Dear Ellen F.,

Yes I have this experience every now and then.  Whenever something happens which is mentally dysfunctional, a part of me just wants to give up and die.  I have recently discovered my trigger is "fear of abandonment".  When this feeling happens, I panic and forget everything I have to live for.  I also feel very discouraged, for I do not know where boundaries are.  I am learning, but find this extremely difficult.  My therapist is working hard with me, helping me to understand and learn about boundaries.  Anger is another issue we are working on.  I highly recommend the book, "SOS Help for Emotions" by Lynn Clark, Ph.D.  My therapist and I are working from this book.  There are also writing suggestions to aid in understanding how to control and change behavior. 

A few weeks ago I did run into the suicide problem.  I know I was not myself, but could not stop.  I have only one friend and broke a boundary with her.  Though she politely told me about this boundary issue, I instantly went into a panic.  I feared she would hate me forever.  (The 'abandonment' issue.)  I kicked myself in the teeth and let this issue suck the life blood out of me.  I wasted at least 3 or 4 days in depression.  It took some time but eventually I restarted my motor and mended some parts.  My therapist was very concerned and called me, for I had written a poem (I do not write poems often) and clearly wrote how I felt about wanting to die because of my mistake with my friend..

I guess this would make anyone worried about what I might do.  In the "SOS Emotions" book, page 132, are eleven common irrational beliefs causing emotional distress.  At the point of writing that poem, my irrational belief was #1- 'It is a dire necessity for me to be loved or approved by almost all others, who are significant to me'. I guess #4 applies also - 'The world must be easy.  It's awful and terrible when things are not the way I very much want them to be'. (Both of these beliefs are written and listed by Lynn Clark, Ph.D.)

Regardless, no matter how you feel, it is hard work. But you and only you can change this.  I do understand how a part of you would like you dead.  Death sounds so peaceful when we're upset, but not to others who may have concern for us.  They would be distraught and would always wonder "why?"

I have faith that you can overcome this alter.  If I can, you can.  Remember you are NOT ALONE.  The purpose for 'Many Voices' is knowing there are others like us out there.  Work hard and don't give up. And write again to tell us how you're doing.
Take Care,

Brenda