To Linda

I am the same way Linda. It is like more work goes on at night than in the day time. I wish i had an answer for you I sleep some in the daytime, and have many memories surface. I hope it gets better



Dear Linda,

Waking up at night at the same hours every night is common for me also.

I used to fight it but with time I realise I could use this time to make peace within. At the beginning things were rock and roll inside; I would sit down, try to pause (slow) my thoughts and concentrate and imagine myself like a beam of love. With practice things got better (sort of ). I still wake up (now 4 am instead of 2 am ) ...I won 2 hours, and now I have good feelings, light and angels in my dreams, rarely nightmares!! I think that as people with DID, we must always remember that it is our consciousness that defines the reality we experience.When I work too much, stress is involved. I have to stop everything and or see my doctor for help. Keep it up ...practice makes perfect .

X - francois


How awful of me to gloat after reading your problem. ME TOO. I wake up several times a night (although not always) and my head has been active - I wake up with the thoughts beating away in the morning. I am exhausted. There are so many different conversations that have taken place. Not always sure if these are dreams or alters or who knows what.

How I deal.....I do not fight myself anymore (except the last panic attack)....If I see that telling myself that those who don't wish to sleep can go off and play and let the ones who want to sleep, do so, I proceed as follows.....I read before I go to bed at night and I treat myself to a little more of that book. I have been able to read through entire books now for about a year and it is quite a luxury. So instead of all my heavy duty self helpers, I have been devouring Nora Roberts love stories and enjoying romance with really great guys. Her books are like fairy tales to me and being new for all of "us" a treat, especially in the middle of the night. Usually I make it about l0 pages and I am out for another 4 or 5 hours. Still active mind but at least I am sleeping, or I think I am. Have patience with yourself, your are worth that and more,


Hi Linda,

What I can tell you is that sleep can get better with time and work. Years ago, I went through a similar experience to yours in that I would "wake-up" at 2:30- no matter what, and be unable to go back to sleep. The terror and fear were overwhelming. My body was so rigid, I couldn't sleep. I would have nightmares and wake up sobbing.

I was carrying fear and pain in my body, essentially. I began to feel better when I decided that I must be attempting to tell myself something- I made an effort to honor my own way of communicating my emotions.

I think all those things that you mention can help- music, teddy bears, cozy blankets, relaxation tapes- I also used homeopathic medicine to help me relax (Hyland's Calms). Those are all wonderful elements, and helpful. Those days, I was literally telling myself "You're safe, you're safe" a zillion times a day and through the night.

Recently, since a little person in my life has turned two and three- I'm back "up all night", not sleeping- this time feeling like I want to sob and being completely unable to cry. The feelings can go really deeply, and be elicited by all sorts of associations.

I don't think that there is any one solution to this, unfortunately. What helped me most was to talk about it- and give myself the time to move through it. It's horribly painful, I know. But there really is no way to erase the past; we can find ways to, as Tich Nhat Han (so sorry, I am messing up this name), invite our feelings in for tea. Get to know them, and make peace with them. Don't attempt to push them away, or they will only beat their fists harder.

There is always hope, and that you are asking this question illustrates, I think, that you have the determination and strength to make it to a safer and more relaxed place.

You mention that it has been this way for you for 40 years (sorry, I just re-read that part). Sometimes, also, I have simply given myself "permission" to be a night owl, to stay up all night. There's a part of me that will always, on a kinesthetic level, be "alert" in the dark hours- and sometimes it's something I decide not to fight and not to attempt to change: I just let be what is. And figure that I'll get something productive done during the night, or listen to the radio, or both. Also, I can't sleep without a sound of some sort playing- usually a natural sound. I've also found the soft whoosh of my air purifier comforting. I've also attempted to exhaust myself during the daylight hours through exercise, tho I find that this can simply cause aches and pains in addition.

But if all this reaches the point where you are in physical danger during the day because of lack of any sleep at all- I would seek medical advice sooner rather than later, if for no other reason, than to rule out anything medically amiss- and perhaps to see what other options exist for help. I wish you the best, and remember when you're up at night- you're not alone. There are lots of us out there, up with our cups of hot tea - reading, listening to the radio, and sorting through papers.