Send Your Replies to Kay


I am answering your query in separate e-mails. This one about working with the kids.
I once read that if a child is taken out of a abusive situation than they can heal rather quickly. I went with that the kids could kinda do the same thing.

This is hard to effect when one in an adult. There are things that need to be done, the adults, affectionately called Ancients are all about protecting and they often unwittingly are in the way. Very hard to not be in the way without going totally away.

For me it was helpful to know the youngest are in fact the oldest. They are wiser than the Ancients. They became multiple which an adult can not.
For me it is backwards it is a matter of the kids figuring out how to deal with the Ancients and the world, the kids know what they are doing. Just ask them.

It was hard to go with doing things that do not make sense and can not be explained to an adult. “So you want help writing a letter the The Gypsy Dancer (therapist), you want to write it left-handed even thought we are right handed then drive an hour and a half in the middle of the night and mail it from a specific mail box, you can not explain why nor how you know the The Gypsy Dancer will understand. It needs to be written with a number three Ticonderoga pencil on newsprint.

So much of this is not doing what adults did to try and help.
Journey on.
Michael F. F.



I have had similar experiences with what we call being away, which for us is different than going away. Going away is when one of us has to go away to accomplish a task such as getting to and from therapy. We try and keep the going away to a minimum. The being away is always for a reason and our struggle is to face why. The going away has a reason in the now.

I try as best I can to understand that the physical feelings that happen will not hurt me. That being said if we experience some things for to long than it does hurt us in that our brain does not work so well for a while which is disruptive.

It was hard to learn that sometimes ‘fighting’ the physical feelings was more disruptive than experiencing them. It is still hard to figure out when this is true and when it is not.

For me it was when parts of me felt away then it was actually that they were closer. Hard to imagine that on the hill hiding in a cave on a hill outside my therapist window which was physically miles away was actually closer.

Sometimes when I have this feeling of being away it feels like parts of my body were missing. A “classic” therapy exchange was “Let me guess the top of my head is not missing.” My therapist answered “No” and I said “Well that’s a good thing.” I had it backwards I was feeling the top of my head in a different way which to me felt like it was missing. Took a long time to understand that one.

Any physical feelings I have are not bad and I have them for a reason. Some are so hard to take and so hard to recover from. For me I needed to experience them before I can heal. Not all at once however.

Journey on,
Michael F. F.


Dear Kay,

I, too had the same experiences you talked about- seeming far away, seeming not present, and just observing. I would especially go through this in uncomfortable situations, including discussing things in my therapist's office. I could feel another personality coming out, who would be uncomfortable, and then I'd feel distanced. They'd be talking and I could hear what was being said. I knew what they were going through, but I had no control over it. At times, it could be unsettling. Other times I enjoyed it, depending on who was out at the time. I loved it when the kids were out. They were my favorite ones. It felt good to comfort them, and they in turn would comfort the other personalities. Hope this helps,

Debbie E.


Dear Kay,

You received many excellent responses. Sounds like you are having a  lot of new experiences.  For me, I had many years of uncovering 
"little ones" and having them talk, then I went into what I call "remission" (which was really me sticking my head in the sand).  Now I 
am going through a similar uncovering process.   The description you  have of fading into the background and feeling those G forces is very 
similar to mine.  Sometimes I do feel like I am watching.  And other  times I just completely go away.  I am learning, though, that you can 
find ways to be present with younger parts and being present helps you  learn more about them.  If you cannot be present, I have found that 
taping sessions can be helpful.  You can listen to them later and  learn a ton.  Then you can write about what you learn.  Also, there is 
the old standby of keeping a journal.  I used to journal in spurts,  now it is my lifeblood (no exaggeration).  Finally, when dealing with 
younger parts, traditional talk therapy is not always the best way to  help them feel comfortable and share.  I have found music and art to 
be wonderful adjuncts to bring into therapy, but you have to find a  therapist who is open minded enough to do that.

Hope this helps...

Paul T.


Hi Kay,

When my little ones are out, I (grown up me) suddenly go into the background and I experience co-conciousness. Then my doctor speaks to me after and tells me everything she learned. It is a subtle process for me. I play with the little ones and give them treats and draw and dance. Then I ask them to go to their safe places when I need to be intellectual. Hope this helps.



Hey Kay,

Like you, I also have a lot of questions about doing our healing work.  Unlike you, I am afraid of it - not doing but what it will do to me.  We've learned to fear and do it anyway.  Thank you for asking this question.  I've been afraid to ask any.

I know the feeling of going from present to observer but for me, when my new therapist tries to talk to my kids someone else stops them from responding.  I find a lapse of anyone being "at the front desk" for a few seconds and it really freaks me out.  When we're alone, I try and talk with them even though I don't know wheather they hear me or not.  Usually, in some way, they will respond and I am beginning to learn about them as an individual.  I can't help us all to be whole if I don't know the individual pieces.

I hope you find the answers you're looking for and then you can pass them on to me!
Good luck and stay safe.



Dear Kay,

I haven't had the Twilight Zone experiences you mention in therapy sessions...but I sometimes feel as if I'm looking through a long tunnel at what passes for reality where I live. This happens when I'm under stress, and with some conscious deep-breathing I usually get back to feeling "normal" (whatever normal is). I don't know if this feeling relates to Kids being out or not. Only once did I have a definite problem of confusion with co-consciousness -- I was in a scary and potentially dangerous situation. & I was both "in" the situation and "outside" observing, at the same time. It was extremely uncomfortable. It didn't end until the situation was terminated -- thankfully, without physical harm.

My "kids" are usually very quiet around others - they only emerge when I'm by myself, and then I'll catch myself talking in baby voices or something like that. Occasionally I'll get a glimpse of a "kid" looking back at me from a mirror or store window - there's a very different look-in-the-eye. My adult-selves keep them quiet when I'm in public. I don't think they're mean about it. But it's a whole-system understanding that we're better off with the kids being quiet.

Good luck with this. I hope other people answer. I'm curious too.