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Hi again Kristi,

I am happy you were able to communicate with you therapist, if even through writing. A journal is very helpful. (for yourself and for therapy).

 I am very lucky as my therapist deals with e-mail between sessions. I do find it easier to write to him than to speak directly to his face. I am much better at speaking to him because after many months seeing him, I slowly built great trust in him. I do know I give him difficult moments (as something which disturbes me makes me switch) but he is very patient with me. God Bless Him! I do write many issues on my Word and print it off to take for him to read. Then we go over it. Currently we are working together with a book called "SOS for Emotions" by Dr. Lynn Clark PhD. My therapist gives me assignments to do from the book and we go over them. I do know my ways of thinking are very distorted. 

Anyway, good luck and I certainly hope you are doing a bit better. Remember this site is here if you need anything. Even if it just support. You have much support from me.

Take Care,


Dear Kristi,

So sorry to hear about your problems. I know how you feel in regards to not eating. I too, have the same issue. When I try to eat, I feel sick and think bad things will happen to me. My therapist constantly reminds me to eat. Just a little throughout the day. No big meals. Just tiny bites during the day. I know he will not give-up on me, but as he says (and it is so true) therapy is NOT about feeling better. It is about GETTING better.

A therapist can only provide the frame work in which you do the actual work. They cannot do it for you. Remember, they are there to give you guidance to help you live a healthier and happier life. YOU need to do the actual work for yourself. No one is going to feed you. No one actually has a key to something in your head. This is just a thought you taught yourself to believe in.

You need to tell yourself, "I am a good person", "I deserve to eat and live", "to hell what the others in my mind think, I can do this". You are a grown woman and need to think of yourself first. If you don't take care of yourself first, you will be of no help to anyone else. You are number one.

I do not know if this is much help or not, but I am sure there are others who do not want to watch you starve to death. You don't deserve to die like that. You deserve to live and be happy, to eat what you want, when you want.

It looks to me like you have a long way to go for therapy. I certainly know I do. All the patterns I have learned from being abused as a child are conditioned into my mind. I am very slowly learning what I need to do to change this. But it is very difficult and often find myself falling into the same old pattern. I am learning to not be so harsh on myself, as I know it took a long time to develop. It will be a long time to change.

I am asking you to try and eat just tiny bites throughout the day for yourself. In the long-run, you will feel and be better. Trust me, it will be very difficult at first, but it does get easier as each day goes by. You will fall into ruts and go back to the old habit. It is ok to stumble every once in awhile. Just get yourself back up and keep going.

Remember, everytime you fall back, you really are learning. So don't beat yourself up over it. Just keep trying over and over again. Remember, "I am a good person and deserves a good life". Tell yourself this over and over again. You can do it. If you have the strength to not eat, you certainly have the strength to eat. Just keep trying. I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!

Take Care and Best Wishes,


Dear Kristi,

I/we don't know how long you've been in therapy with your psychiatrist, or how long you''ve been struggling or what your history is like with this psych...BUT - it just feels to us like 1)your psych is reacting to his own fear by hinting at an ultimatum, and that feels really bad to hear; 2)you seem clearly very triggered (and who wouldn't be!), and that seems to be causing you so much confusion that it must be really hard to figure out what to do! I/we wouldn't recommend anything specific except to ask if you have shared your thoughts and feelings, including your fears, with him. We have found that some of the best experiences we had in therapy came from those moments when we could see how something in the "now" was both the same and different than the past. In the meantime, much sympathy. It sounds like you have a very difficult road.

Melissa, et al.


Dear Friends,

I have great psychiatrist is NOT giving up on me! I saw him this week, I couldn't "say" the words so I had written a poem for him, telling him how I felt, how it terrified me that me might stop treating me, and that I was feeling abandoned...but I also told him that I understood why he might have to stop treating me. I told him that if the frustration is too much, I understand...

He apologized to me. He was very upset with himself because he upset me so much. He said, "I'm so sorry, Kristi, I really didn't know how this would affect you. I hope you can forgive me. I shouldn't have said it, it was a huge mistake." He was so sweet about it, I couldn't have asked for better. ...He also said, "no matter what weight you are, I won't quit treating you. I enjoy working with you, and we have other issues than that to work on still." Also, he kept my poem, and said it was "powerful" and other nice things.

I have trouble believing that, but as long as I'm able to tell how I feel through words, then I'll always have somewhat of a safe feeling.

I still wonder how others deal with this scenario tho.

Thanks -- Kristi