Dear PG:

I am in the beginings of my recovery but experience some of the things that you are talking about - firstly, my therapist is female, I wanted a woman to help me (for various reasons that I will not go into here) so I do not worry about sexual feelings for her. Also, she has said that I do not have alters, so I do not have that problem either. However, the problem I do have, is the contempt that I often feel for my husband. This stems from my childhood abuse. I see all men as predators including my husband, and my self contempt and my others contempt surfaces strongly when I feel threatened or feel as though I am about to be betrayed by him. This is not rational thinking on my part, but I react negatively, because I have PTSD and am always hypervigilant of those around me. The slightest indication that my husband is on the prowl will set me off. He may be looking at a pretty woman and that is enough to make me feel threatened and about to be betrayed. Its no fun at all to be always on the look out for the next betrayal, it takes a lot of energy away from me that I could otherwise be using to have some fun in life. I have lost the joy of being a woman. Hope this helps a little.

Hang in.


For PG,

I don't know what's normal, but my experience is this: different me's feel different ways about the outside people I've had relationships with. One's madly in love, he's all she thinks about. Several are very concerned about the effect of the relationship on her independance. Some like to sleep with him, some like to sleep alone. One's gay, and tries to just not come out when he's around, although she likes him a lot as a person. Developing inside communication makes all this easier to handle, and it sure helps to be able to be open about MP with your SO. It can be real confusing, but I suspect it's normal for us.



Dear PG,

I will honor those inside me not wanting to elaborate what happened with us. But, stay in therapy, deal with your adult and mature parts as to knowing what you can express to your therapist and that will certainly help you know if he is safe and browse through a book, "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me".......Some wonderful stuff in that book. You sound perfectly healthy to me with being in touch with your feelings...


Hi PG,

hope you don't stop seeing a therapist who you feel has been helping you. And believe me it's not unusual to go through all the different states you do with your husband. I hope that he is involved with your therapy and knows you are DID. You don't have to share everyhing inside with your mate, but I would keep sharing it with your therapist. What's going on inside my head usually has nothing to do with the people around me. It's natural for our mind to keep changing the picture of our life. We've learned how to do that real well. For me it's not a problem to go through all sorts of different scenarios in my head. I've have found though that if I keep busy with something or read a book that I can get into, it helps fill that need to escape my reality most days. I hope that you can talk to your therapist about what you are feeling. That's what they are there for. I know trust is usually a big thing with us, just try to be brave and know you are worth it to grow and heal.



Hi Phyllis

I'm NOT a therapist so please don't take this as "medical advice." It's just sharing my own personal experience. The great-debate about marriage when dissociative was a big problem for me, when I was married...even tho then I didn't know anything at all about dissociation.(I didn't learn about dissociation until about 10 years after my divorce.) I remember telling people I felt 75% married. Until you (eventually) get all yourself communicating clearly inside, you will probably have these greatly-divergent moods and opinions about your marriage. The varying opinions (in my view) don't mean your current marriage is "bad" necessarily. It could be that these are small but powerful parts inside you that have decided to take a stand...and that the great "bulk" of you prefers to be married and can eventually benefit and participate fully in marriage (including sex. Your husband ISN'T your father. And you are 'out of reality' when you think he is. Of course that's the trouble w/ dissociating. We are 'out of reality' a lot when we dissociate.)

RE: the love and sexual feelings for your therapist. If you have a good therapist who has proper professional boundaries, you should tell him how you're feeling and let him help you understand that a therapist/patient sexual relationship is a big mistake. Unfortunately, some therapists do NOT have good boundaries, and will use your statement as a great excuse to imply it is OK for them to exploit your sexual neediness. You have to decide if you have a sensible therapist or one who might exploit you. If it's the latter, you're better off getting a new one. If it's the former, you are MUCH better off being honest about all your feelings with him. Concealing feelings in therapy doesn't help you get better...and dumping a therapist without explanation is tough on "good" therapists. Therapists are people, too...but they are NEVER supposed to be having sex or anything close to it with patients. If you see any signs of this happening, run fast the other way. - That's the best I can tell you out of my own experience.