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Dear Brenda,
Boundaries can be a real minefield, especially if you just 'do' something for a person & don't check to see if it makes them feel uncomfortable. I make an effort to ask before I give a gift, or do something 'noticeable', to be sure the receiver is OK with my gift. Of course, sometimes I forget...& sometimes I screw up. But because I know I'm 'trying' ...I usually don't beat myself up too badly.

Hope that helps!


Dear Brenda,

It's real hard in this day mostly to find what other's boundaries are.  I agree with Rose that asking is the best way to understand where someone's boundaries are.   You may not be wrong in your thinking.  Usually it is a good rule of thumb that if it would be something we would wish others would do for us, it would be a kind gesture, then we find out that other people have their own problems that they haven't dealt with yet.  If you are being kind to them and they reject that kindness it may not be you who has a problem.  If you want to be helpful to someone, ask them first if they want your help.  If they say "no" respect that and don't take it personal.  There are plenty of other people who can use help.   

Lady J