Send Your Replies to Denise


Hi Denise,

I too have no fear of dentists, my fear is leaving the house-I have agoraphobia. My counselor will go with me when Ii have the courage to go.
I had a funny incident when I saw a dentist in my mid 20's.I was on the gas and a little one (inside me) came out! She thought it was hilarious to not open her mouth when it was time to. She giggled inside and turned her head away from the dentist, which he didn't find funny at all. She did, what was wrong with him? Eventually because she took pity on the poor dentist. She opened her mouth and let the work be done.Tthat was one of the first times I met an alter, and she did it by coming out in public. Oh well, she and I both think it's funny.

Can you afford the pain meds so you won't have to get depressed over the pain? Many medium or larger size cities have dental schools; Maybe you could be helped there (free or low cost). Who you are inside is important.I'm sorry you're losing teeth and in pain, but who you are is so important, and that's not based on outside stuff. You are valuable.

Hope this helped!




We also have great fear of the dentist. We finally found a dentist that uses Nitrous Oxide with adults so we use that and take two Ativan prior to the session just to calm the nerves a little. We haven’t been able to pin down exactly what part of the dentist experience is so triggering, just that it is. We do know it has to do with the mouth being open/held open etc. A little meditation, medication and laughing gas makes our visits not too bad. Of course, this year our insurance changed and we don’t know if he will still be in our coverage. Yikes. So we put it off for now. Don’t know if this helps, but there it is.



Been there done that too. For me making an appointment in the near future was better than waiting and worrying about an upcoming appt too long.

Also I believe it helped to find a dentist that "caters to cowards" as someone had advertised. If you can tolerate and afford to use the gas rather than being awake that helps a lot too but you might need another person to drive you home.

Taking a whole day for a doctors appt is always a good idea. It takes off the pressure to return to normal too soon. Give yourselves the time to recover from the stress AND the procedure.

I discovered for some reason that it isn't the dentist I really hate it's the suction? I still don't understand why but they seem to be willing, at my request, to let me swallow something rather than use the suction. That or let me get it out myself.

Don't be afraid to assert yourself and ask for what you need. Take as much control as you can over the situation. Visualization helps too. Usually pretty picture on the wall and soft comforting music or even top 10 keep me from slipping back in time to someone else. Rewards for a job well done are great afterwards too. A kid movie, but maybe not the popcorn.




Last year I had some major dental work done. A bone lengthing, An Apico Root Canal & A Regular Root Canal. Because of the DID I was very nervous. What helped me is coming up with a safe place where all the parts could go to during the dental work. Also when I heard the drill, I imagined it being a purring happy cat. Another thing that helped is even though I was nervous, I tried not to think about it too much and scheduled the next available appointment. The less time between the appointment the less I worried.

The only thing I mentioned to the staff is I've always had a fear of dentists. I also told them I will be doing a bit of self hypnosis during to calm myself.

They did ask what type of music I liked, and ended up playing something very calming in the background which helped. Also maybe you could put on headphones during and play your relaxing music.

All the best,



I went to a dentist and told her that I am DID and it is best for me not to deal with scheduling and such on the same day as I have work done. That helped.
I like to know what is work is going to be done before it happens. Even with a cleaning I want to know what % is done.
On the day of the procedure that is all I do that day. I come home and rest.

Having done this a few times it all seems to have evened out. I still leave the whole day I now do other things just not scheduled.

Journey on,


Hi Denise,
I have a HUGE problem with the dentist as I was traumatized as a child with the dentist we had. As a result, my teeth are in terrible shape. I want to get them all pulled and get dentures. So far it has been a matter of cost that I have not done so, but am hoping I can this year. If I could afford it, I would just get knocked out and have the work done on my teeth all at once or maybe twice, but I can't afford that either. I realize this may not be a lot of help, but you are not alone. My child parts are even more terrified than I am of the dentist.

Karen Kelley


Hey Denise,
Dentists sure can be difficult as can tooth pain and tooth loss and like many of us, I have experience with all three.  I think finding the right dentist...compassionate, understanding and gentle...makes a big difference.  My dentist just recently retired and as a result, I'll be seeing a new dentist for a crown this January.  I've already told the staff about my abuse history and that I may have some trouble with the procedure and also that I need to have the crown made of the same material that my other crowns were.  Sometimes, just being able to speak about our concerns takes away some of their power over us... and then there's always the perk in having the work done that we end up with a brighter and more radiant smile!  Wishing all of us easy and pain-free dental procedures in the New Year! 
Lynda Wisdo  



Oh, this one hit a nerve!! LOL. I have an appointment this afternoon and have a scheduled oral surgery procedure in two weeks. I hate the dentist. I have a phobia. I shake and cry like a baby. It is extremely embarrassing. I go to a woman now so I don’t have the fear of being touched by a man. But it is still very, very difficult for me. It isn’t the pain, though, it is the fact that I react like, and feel like, a child. I think some of the fear is the powerlessness. And some of it is the connection to adults hurting me, and also of no one taking care of me when I hurt.  

Don’t know if this helps any.

I have a friend from group who is fully DID and she often has trouble with her child parts. Her dentist is very understanding though and has even educated himself on DID. She has oral cancer so she has been through a lot.

Good luck!



Dear Denise,

I've never had big problems with dentists, but I know some do. There are some specialist dentist practices though, that help with both pain and fear of dentists.
You (or others) may be interested in this link ,about dental pain, and this one, about sedation dentistry.

I hope others will write about their personal experiences with dentists, tooth loss, and pain.