Send Your Reply to Julie:



I want to say that Marin couldn't have said it any better.(See below). Her experience seems very similar to mine. I do wish that I could remember more of my children's growing up years. I am now working on picture albums for my kids. It is helping me immensely.

Mary T


For Julie:

Hi! I just wanted to respond because I just recently had a baby (3 weeks ago). I was dx'd with DID in 1994. The thought of having a baby terrifed me at that time. I am now 33 years old and have this newborn. I am not terrified any longer. I have been thru some intensive therapy over the years. For the past two years, I have been working with a very awesome psychiatrist and therapist. We have been doing EMDR therapy and throwing in Healing Touch also. This course seems to have helped me tremendously. When I found out I was pregnant this past February, my therapist was concerned about me having some decompensation, so we stopped the EMDR sessions and just dealt with some issues at hand. I have been doing surprisingly well. I feel like my life is coming together. I am not sure how, but i know that the EMDR and healing touch have contributed. Having this baby girl now, seems to have grounded me more. I have something other than me to focus on. I realize that she is totally dependent on me for survival right now. And that is ok. I am still in therapy and he just asked me when I would be ready to start working again (on my issues). I think I am ready to tackle more....I feel a sense of balance in some regards. There is some fear of a relapse or going back into the hospital again. But having a therapist and doctor that really believe in me really helps me to stay positive. I think I can be a good mom and survivor and friend all at the same time. You can email me if you wish for added support. BTW....the father is not in the picture...I am raising my daughter alone and doing it! My best to you...

Julie O.


Julie ---

I had two young boys at the point of first major memory retrieval -- hopitalized a few times then, etc ... I think it was their ages which got me - triggered a lot --- and now have a two year old girl -- again, after twelve years, a time of massive triggering -- shes a girl!

however, like the other response here --- if I look at the WHOLE picture -- I have done and am doing a heck of a job --- FAR better than what was done with me ... and I can accept myself and my mistakes ...because I stay current in therapy and always work on my stuff ................. just don't go into denial or thinking all is fine -- THEN you can lose it ..............
take care .......

Ani Rose


Dear Julie,

I can only relate that while under the influence (making a joke to lighten my mood) which means that pre diagnosis, pre anything or during my denial era, I raised three children.

There are many painful memories of "not" remembering now that I have been in therapy for over ten years. Guilt is something like a bad storm; it comes and goes but I won't allow it to stay and it doesn't.

I don't remember many things - someone was always with them. I never left them alone. They are all grown now, as I have twins of 37 and one 40. Somehow, someway, with a lick, a prayer, and the strength I had mustered inside me, they are relatively healthy mentally like the rest of the world. One is a copywriter in advertising, college graduate with honors, one with a law degree, one with a masters in industrial psychology. I have two at home moms with children and will only stay in the present.

Sure I made mistakes, wasn't present, wasn't demonstrative, can't remember everything, but I did the best I could. I made it difficult for them and can't go back, as being multiple and having different responses to same situations creates chaos. Done, finished, no more.

I said I am sorry when I worked a 12 Step workshop.....repent I said to myself, but love yourself because you sure did a heck of a job considering although things that you weren't even aware of ...

I am getting a second chance with my grandkids.......Have had to work on the problems with my inner little ones. They come out in jealousy, they feel slighted, they want to be seen. I have learned to compensate - I bribe my little inner ones and tell them that only the adults can "drive the bus" but they can watch. And, if I am buying something for my grandkids, I certainly ask my own kids if they want something. Good Will Industries will never know how many stuffed animals and dolls I have picked up off the floor in their stores, dressed, put together so they aren't lonely or bought.

You will be a wonderful parent just by the fact of your open-ness and honesty.. That's what child rearing is about. If you're tired, get help and rest. Don't let anything be more important that you and that child and you will be fine. And love yourself. That's a must, from all of us.

By Marin