Send Your Replies to Nicki

Dear Nicki,

All of the replies already posted have great merit.

You also might  "ask inside" for a self helper.  Noted writer in the field, Frank Putnam, points out that many people with DID have an
"Internal Self Helper."  You could see if anyone in your inner group has that job or is interested in helping with it now.
This Internal Self Helper may have an overview of what is going on.

Any change, even good ones like a new job, create some stress, so please take good care of yourself, allowing enough time for
good sleep, food and time to relax.  These healthful actions will help you be available for communication with your inner people.

Marjorie McKelvey Isaacs, Psy.D.
Psychologist  (Cincinnati)


When I am confused why some are doing something, if I remember, I start with: "it is not for no good reason."
Then I get to a place where I can accept the answer. Then I ask.
It is as simple and complex as that.
Journey on,



I so understand how frightening the silence can be, especially when you're used to having "company" most of the time. I had a similar experience about 7 months ago, after I integrated a lot of my sexuality. Suddenly, I noticed that everything had become so I was empty and yet full all at the same time. It was extremely frightening at first...lonely since there wasn't anyone tugging at my sleeve begging, "Listen to me!", "No, listen to me!" I'm not sure whether I've integrated...actually, since I've never been integrated I'm not even sure what that is. I do know that I've reached a plateau anyway...a place where I can rest and recuperate a bit.

I do believe that sometimes, the "others" can decide to take a "back seat", when they realize you need to tend important life matters like a job or family and I also believe that this only happens if you've been giving "them" a lot of attention and working on your healing. Perhaps your "inner children", like all children, realize that you need to tend to "grown up" things for now. Like Lynn said, stay in touch with everyone. Let them know that you're listening and that, even though you're working, you still have time for them and perhaps, in that journaling space, perhaps in your dream space, you'll be able to connect again. My best wishes to you as you work toward integrating your job with your inner world.


Dear Nicki,

As a therapist, my first suspicion when I hear this kind of complaint is that the part(s) have "gone underground" or are hiding, maybe
because they feel threatened, misunderstood or have felt pressured to "integrate" without adequate therapy to result in integration. A
suggested, respectful and no pressure approach sounds good to me.

Barbara McConnell, MS, MSW, LCSW
Anderson, IN


Hi Nicki,
I have a part who goes to work. That is her specific role. And she works very much in isolation. Most other parts do not know what she does for a living exactly, and don't have the skill base to be useful while we are at work, so they stay away when we are working in that role (most of the time). And when they don't, it tends to create chaos, especially if littles want to assist – They don't understand, and therefore things get out of control very quickly. So for us, it is better that there is only one part at work, not a joint effort.

It sounds though, as if this is different for you a bit, in that it doesn’t seem to be a specific part who is working – or maybe not a part you are familiar with. I'm wondering if you need to explore who is going to work with your therapist maybe – or, if, from the way you write, it is you who is working, rather than another part, I'm guessing that you don't need the others to be able to do this, so they are having a break. I have experienced this before -not in relation to work, but in relation to a group I belong to – no parts go with me – and initially that felt really strange – and very isolating, lonely and fearful. But the reason they weren’t there was because I didn’t need them to be – it was ok to do that by myself. It is my thing, not a system thing. I don't know if that makes much sense – it doesn’t seem to, but I don't know how else to word it.

I agree with Lynn, too – communicating in a journal by asking questions usually works really well for me – if I dont understand what is happening internally, I write the question in a journal, then leave it a week. Generally by then, there are a whole heap of explanations, and things start to make sense again. And I agree with Lynn, as well about taking that to therapy – it can open up a whole heap of new avenues to explore at times.

Go well


Hi, Nicki,
I, too was on disability, tho only for two years. But it was VERY stressful going back to work. I don't know what kind of work you do, but I can tell you of my experience. I am a nurse, and went back to work in a hospital setting. This was stressful in itself, and also involved some unexpected "triggers." At any rate, what I experienced was that my "parts" : 1. Felt MY stress, and 2. Were each scared themselves. So, it was no wonder why I never "Lost time" or "Switched" at work. In a way, this was no one at work would know I had D.I.D., but it was not good in that my "parts" had to "Go into hiding." And I felt SO alone.

Anyway, after phone calls and sessions with my therapist, I found I had to---for a while---sacrifice my breaks and lunch periods to find a quiet, private place to sit, close my eyes and "Internally" talk to my "parts" in my head. I would try to comfort them, to reassure them, tell them that even tho I was now working, I had NOT abandaoned them. And I would promise them that after work, they could have "Their time" to come out and talk, write, draw, play, whatever they wanted. It was so important that I reassured them. One of my "parts," named Ronnie, who was only 6 yrs. old, was SO sure I had abandonded her that she decided she would never talk to me again!
But, with daily reassurance, they came to feel safer, and we were back together again.

I can't say this is your case, Nicki,.....but I'm sure that your parts will come around again. Have faith in them...they are a part of you.
Wishing you strength, courage and patience.


Dear Nicki,

Wow, that's tough! I don't have any great answers for you, I'm afraid. Maybe your non-workers backed away because you have to appear "together" or "unified" at work, and there is fear of disclosure. This may be a somewhat-extreme attempt by your insiders to "help" by staying out of the way.

If you really want to restore communication, my best suggestion would be to get a journal out, at home, and write a simple question at the top of a blank page. Something like "Ok guys, what's going on? Why is everyone quiet?" And then, just sit there and wait to see if more writing takes place. Sit quietly at least 10 or 20 minutes. If nothing happens, write again saying "Well, if you don't want to explain, that's all right. I'm here and glad to listen whenever you are ready to write or talk." Then close the journal and go do something fun. Try that every day for a week. My bet is - you'll get some communication going and you'll learn what insiders are thinking and feeling about all this. Be sure to take any answers you receive to your next therapy session, too. That could open up some channels for discussion as well as internal and external support.

I'm sure other MV readers will have thoughts about this too. Good luck!
Lynn W.