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Hi Shani,
So I am a few years slow in answering....  Dissociation, hummm! 

Well, this is not something which happens over night.  This is something which develops over a long period of time.  Imagine being sexually abused night after night after night.  Being little and can do nothing about the situation, especially being a family member whom you are to trust and depend on, I needed to escape from the abuse.  My mind would float away and watch while someone else took my place.  This way it was not happening to me; but it really was.  Over repeated time, this behavior becomes conditioned.  An automatic response with no control.  Over time, others can be developed into the mind, as I knew nothing about handling the real life. 

Drugs, alcohol, and sex becomes your life in the late teens as this is all you know.  Sex is a way to have control over others, as this is what I learned.  Never knowing what is wrong with yourself, why you are different, why you have no real friends, what is wrong with the world, etc, I eventually tried to commit suicide at 19.  I figured I fix a problem within the world which was me and end my life.  I was rushed to the hospital and lived.  (Of course, or I would not be writing this now.) 

I tried so very hard to keep my abuse tucked into the back of my mind, but still felt different and could not keep track of things.  About 25 yrs. later, I was losing control of my life.  I thought I was going to explode.  I decided to see a therapist.  I went to someone who was recommended to me, telling me he was very good and knowledgeable.  They were right.  He IS great!  He had experience with DID and after a few months diagnosed me with this. 

What do I expect from therapy?  How to live life for myself.  Learn correct ways of thinking, as I can see how my ways are very distorted.  How to put what happened to me in the past as an experience and not to dwell on it.  Learn to thrive, not just to survive.  Since my ways of thinking were conditioned, this will be a long process as my mind needs to be reconditioned. 

I certainly hope you continue to study this subject.  This will be a wonderful and useful tool for all of us suffering from DID.
Thank You for asking,



I read most of the replies. What specifically are you looking for in regards to how people dissociate or why?

For me it's not all that clear, and it took years for me to come off the hypermode to even tell myself when I had switched..........the first time I now realize a part came out was in college then again on 4 different occasions at a job prior to getting anywhere near a therapist or realizing I needed one. I cope too well and get that look from the medical profession that says "we don't want to talk about this" to my face-- then the doctor jots down in her notes to cover her. But she thinks I need to see a Psychiatrist after having one of my little ones come out and speak.

It took me sveral years to realize that the doctors I see do not think I am sane, I guess. I want you to know that I am very sane. The parts are not hallucinations. They are energy and as I go through the feelings and memories stored in my body........the wounded parts of my soul come up for healing. I am different from most people with MPD I guess because I never fully lost sight of the Higher Presence. I was blessing and praying for others and did not even suspect I would one day spend 8 going on 9 years in therapy and more to fully integrate all the parts.

I went to a Psychiatrist in Omaha 8 years ago. The little one came out and she totally ignored her......the next visit she announced my diagnosis as PTSD and played fill in the blanks like she was shooting from the hip and wanted to cover the bases before she sent me on my way. And you know there was nothing real in her office either. Last spring I was in need of medication as the job I do now requires me to be too close to people and I have panic anxiety all day long. It got to be too much ......I thought I would see a Psychiatrist------I did get a competent nurse who had empathy and finally did not discount my situation.........however she did not let me see the Psychiatrist......I could not ask her the questions I wanted to because she is not allowed to diagnose; yet she could prescribe a presciption for me.

I live in South Dakota. It's not that they did anything wrong in the context of what is allowed....the problem is I was totally discounted as a person........and still feel that way after seeing the psychiatrist finally, after 8 months on medication. The nurse was going on a maternity leave, or I might still be waiting to see him.

My parts are co-conscious......I can be driving down the road and all will come out as I talk in the car. I can drive because I know how to do it........but that doesn't mean I know how this all happened......why they are in my throat the way they are.......never knowing if the stuttering part is going to come out ...she does a good job hiding inside for the most part....yet the moment I feel overwhelmed about something or someone yelling at me I can feel her come forward and in my throat.

There are night parts, parts that died, parts in my throat, parts outside, parts inside some have names some don't and nothing seems to be organized A to Z. I would love to talk with you more about give you an example of what I need is for the little parts a loving and caring person who can speak softly and gently to shaming, no blaming, no scolding, no criticism, no talking down to, no touching, unless one asks first, my therapist has taught me leveling (Virginia Satir).

I find I switch when triggered by something or someone who reminds me of the past. Like now my boss walks heavy on her feet.....the parts think it's my mom and they are terrified. Another women triggers my sister. The knot on the back of my neck is swollen because the parts are in constant fear of being hit, grabbed, beaten, spanked, etc. That is why I had to get on medication........with my back to everyone, the parts got me on 911 overload. My therapist says that I am on the left hand side of the scale of Dissociation... Then there are the body tremors...which the medical profession just ignores as nothing.......I have been having body tremors for three years or more now. It would really be comforting for the medical profession to validate that it is traumatic to have them......I was scared I would not be able to drive. When they first started to happen, it happened in the car. Lucky for me I have an automatic; it lasts for 7 to 8 seconds and I could use my other leg to brake. I have since gotten the parts who hold the tremors to come out after I get home.........I just had one tonight where my whole body just shook.......and legs were kicking violently........ Now if I go through this .......a person with fugues must have them last longer........maybe not. I can't even find a person to talk to about it. Maybe this give you some information. I would love to discuss with you anything you want to know. I am glad you have the courage and forthought to ask us.

Very Truly, Julia


An answer for Shani:

I think it's great to see therapist asking questions and actually want to learn what we say now. The answers to both questions though there is a ton of material out here now to explain it all, can be answered in a few words. What happens to children who experience traumas such as neglect, physical and sexual and emotional abuse? the answer is "dissociation" .

What can the medical profession do to help us in recovery? The answer is even simpler "to Believe".

I am truly honored that you asked,

Lady J



First I'd like to thank you for taking the time to research us and care to learn not only what happens to those like myself, but for wanting to know what the professionals might do that would promote our healing.

1) understanding what happens to kids when abused: As a child and well into my teen years, I think that I can speak for many of us, I did not know that any thing happened to me. Like many I grew up thinking that all children feel the way I did. It wasn't until I was out on my own, had a child, one marriage being put behind me and in need of counseling that I began to read and learn how different others were.

Many of the things that I was feeling inside I didn't dare to talk to any one about. I didn't want people to think that I was crazy. In the early 70's I would have been labeled wrong.

The more that I read the more I felt that no one would listen to me. I was given a list of books to read. Books about "the inner child" were becoming popular. "I'm ok, your ok" were books meant to explain my "co-dependence" on people, places, and things. And there was a "part" of me that could relate to all that stuff. The biggest problem was that every time I thought I understood the cause and reason, something inside would cloud my learning process. I again thought that there had to be something wrong with me because, although I could remember what I learned, I couldn't put it into any practice in my real world.

Through the 80's I went through the ordeals of trying to function in the uncontrolled world of working. Before then I coped by being a stay at home mom, where I had some control over my environment. Once I was out of that controlled environment a lot of strange things were coming about. In the mid 80's something happened to me that was real familiar...and I could identify the same feelings that I had had before. What I was afraid of at one time (thinking I was crazy) became the one thing that helped me stay alive. It was having all these voices in my head to talk to. When I walked away from my job in 1986 I knew that the stress of that job would kill me if I stayed. My behavior of the last year had split me down into many again and I had no control over them. I didn't understand it all but instinctively I knew what worked.

In the 90's a few doctors in the mental health field touched on it some what but I was still to afraid to let them know what was going on inside. It was a long time during this process of therapy with professionals "teaching" me how to change my way of coping with stress in my life. It wasn't until then that the professionals began to have different medicines and approach the manic and depressive sides of my nature. And it wasn't till a few watched me change rapidly even on these meds that they began to really listen to what I was saying.

You see, I've been saying the same thing since the beginning. Only the names of "disorders" labeled on me has changed. As do many of us, I believe that some of us are born with a chemical imbalance that causes us to sense the world around us in a different way. There were 11 children in my family of origin, and I'm "the one" who is mentally ill and "incapable" of providing for myself. Others in my family were subjected to the same "discipline" and "sibling curiosity" better known to my world as "uncontrolled physical abuse" and "incest". And to think they all think they are normal.

I'd like to invite you to come to my group on MSN. From there you can read parts of my story and learn what those of us who have "DIDs" talk about in our groups. I would welcome you aboard to talk with me and those who happen to be around at this time. From my site I'll ask a few from the other sites to perhaps join with you.

There is a group of us who host these sites to help newcomers to the process along. Something we didn't have ourselves was this great tool of the internet...many of us did our learning the long and scary way...alone. Hope to hear from you soon,



Dear Shani:

I need somone to speak very quietly to little people,someone who is glad to see me- whoever it is,and not be afraid of me or any of me. Disociation allows me to function- the splitting of me like a big pizza keeps me from having all my skills available to all of me. So usually the one with the necessary skills is the one that takes over for the parts that are too young and can't do the job-

From B.D.


For Shani ,

Okay, so you want to know why first, why we could dissociate..................Seems like the smartest thing to do, right? Okay, you are in the jungle.......there are poisonous snakes on your left, your right, under foot, on your have no gun, no knife, no weapon..........What do you think you can do....Okay now you try kicking them, stomping on them, hitting them, they are overwhelming...biting you, your face, your arms, your legs............Now Shani, take the deepest breath you can take, pray the hardest you have ever prayed and open the door to dissociation...........Here you are, with the impossible situation surrounding you and you have now entered into the world of adding Kung Fu to your company, or a slew of Shani's with guns, with knives, or you see yourself lift to a helicopter taking you to safety..............however you have just done it, your have saved Shani's life, at least, believe it or not, your mind...............The snakes, well that is a different story. Now that I have explained how to split off in one easy blast, how to treat adults.............The million dollar question.....With compassion, with love, with understanding, and an uncanny ability of reaching all the original Shani's who stood in front of the snakes to begin with............the ones who came in to help her out and with the patience of a Saint...................the best of luck to you and I do hope this gave you a little clue as to the horrors "us" with MPD/DID have faced...........