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Hi Rosemary.

Even as a child, I had flashbacks, but didn't know what they were, because I didn't have many full memories of abuse. Everything for me was very disconnected. I'd have flashbacks, but didn't remember for a long time. I'd have reactions to things without knowing why. My body would be reacting in fear to something, but I didn't know what. Even if I was having the flashbacks at the same time, I didn't connect with the fear or the pain. But I had an excellent therapist, who guided me through it all, and explained it all to me. It took a long time for me to connect my fear or my sadness to what I was seeing in flashbacks. It took even longer to tie it to how I actually felt in the here & now. I'd be describing a flashback to my therapist, but they said I described it like the abuse was happening to someone else. My reply? "It did happen to someone else." During my integrations, again, it was a process, of slowly having all these things in me connect.
Ten years ago, when the integrations started, I was so shocked when I actually had two emotions at once. I'd never had that in my life. I didn't know what was happening. Seriously, I almost pulled off the road to call 911. I was a wreck. I just didn't know what to do with it. There are days where I'm still shocked by things connecting and working together now. I'd say a wonderful therapist could help tremendously. My therapist helped me so much through all this.

Take care.
Debbie E.


I am not sure I know exactly what you are writing about, but I do know over time things come into my mind very unexpectedly. Believe me, I have no memory of my high school years. In fact, about two months ago I looked at my school yearbooks and was astonished to see the pictures I was in. I had no clue I was in Student Council, Ecology Club, Girls Athletic Assocaition, was somehow affiliated with the school newspaper, etc. I was flabberghasted to see those pictures but have no knowledge of any of it. I also looked at the report cards I must have saved. In seventh grade, the first and second quarters of school I had straight F's. The third and fourth quarters I had all grades 92 and above. I even had a 99 in Science. Now explain that! (dissociation)

Read the book that Lynn suggested and try not to worry about memory. We are here for you. Believe it or not, you are not alone.

Take care,



Hi Rosemary,
I believe that LOTS of people experience body memories, tho often in conjunction with visual memories.
Or separated...(that's how they were for me.)

I can think of one book in particular: "The Body Remembers" by Babette Rothschild. It's a professional book,
published by Norton, but I think it's quite readable & may be helpful to you. I found it very interesting, myself.
Good Luck.